I have an eating disorder. With my anorexia nervosa lowest weight days behind me, I still struggle with the urge to starve myself about ten times a day. That’s a lot, but don’t worry, I’m in treatment for it ;). What I am here to talk about right now is the intentional decision I made to be overweight in order to deal with several other chronic health conditions. I made the decision to be pain free and mentally stable despite the weight gain that would be caused by a few different drugs as side effects.Taking the medication was living while not taking it was surely dying. Nonetheless, because of societal standards, I had to swallow my pride in a very large way. People had put me on pedestals for my double digit weight at times and it was hard to not be addicted to that feeling. I swore I would wear my new body like a badge of honor: I was surviving and thriving in my new world where I wasn’t the smallest size.
I also committed to dressing for my body. I constantly have to psych myself up that i am still beautiful at all the sizes in between too. I wouldn’t be the woman who was squeezing into the clothes in the size she was desperate to be. I would celebrate my body and reward myself with new clothes for its newest size. Apparel is an investment in me.
I firmly believe I am, people are, beautiful at any size. I believe that about myself most of the time. I may not be okay with my body twenty percent of the time, but I wake up everyday and choose health. And that is the moral of this story: choose your health. Make informed decisions to take your life back, not to be thin.
But I have to mention the number of doctors who never fail to bring up that I’m overweight or claim that I need to get “control of my weight.” Don’t worry, I happily handed it right to any doctor who is pseudo concerned for my health, when he or she hasn’t even looked at my chart in depth. That’s the other moral: advocate for yourself. No one will do it for you. And there is nothing like taking back your power in high heels and a dress that only you know is plus size.